Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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