So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
