Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
