he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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