i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think my mom watched the whole time
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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