did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
