lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
