her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
