I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
