captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The struggles of a small town man whore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
