The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i will never coherently bang her
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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