my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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