I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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