I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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