it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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