we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
