i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish you could order shots online.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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