I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
