There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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