Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
