What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
