just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
