White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
