i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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