It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
