ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
