My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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