what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
