so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
pop tarts are not kleenex
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to calm my uterus...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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