TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
