Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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