I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
