All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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