I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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