Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
