I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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