I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
