She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
