She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
