Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
