It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
