Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Me too!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
