I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
