can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
