Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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