Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I love you. Go after that dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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