There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
