he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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