you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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