OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
