It was confusing and full of hummus
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
