separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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