Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
