DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
