i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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