corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
