He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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