I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
